以下内容摘自《寻找合适的幼儿园》一书，该书由南希•舒尔曼和艾伦•波恩鲍姆在2008年合著而成，探讨了幼儿教育的实际经验和育儿智慧。在上一次的书摘中，南希和艾伦讲述了培养幼儿自主能力和独立能力的重要性。同时，他们也告诉父母，父母在挑战小朋友的同时，可能还是会不由自主地主动帮孩子做事情。
In the final week of September, we shared the first in a series of excerpts from “Practical Wisdom for Parents,” a bestselling 2008 book on early childhood by Nancy Schulman, head of the Early Learning Center at Avenues New York and Ellen Birnbaum, director of New York’s 92nd Street y Kindergarten. In that excerpt, Nancy and Ellen described the importance of cultivating self-help skills and independence in young children—with full acknowledgement that for parents, challenging a toddler to help his or herself can sometimes feel counter-intuitive.
艾伦•波恩鲍姆和南希•舒尔曼 Ellen Birnbaum and Nancy Schulman
在今天的书摘中，我们会继续分享第十一章“自理技能及独立：‘我要自己做！’”中的内容。南希和艾伦给予了九条能帮助小孩子建立健康的独立性的建议。
second excerpt is a continuation of the first and comes from the same chapter, titled “Self-Help Skills and Independence: ‘I Want to Do It Myself!’” Below, you will find nine pieces of advice from Nancy and Ellen on how to ensure that your child develops a healthy amount of independence at a young age.
1. 保持一致的期望
在教孩子自理技能时，让孩子身边的所有大人都对孩子有同样的期望是一件很重要的事。如果在你鼓励孩子自己用勺子吃饭时，保姆却用勺子喂他，这会使孩子感到困惑。你需要定期跟亲戚、老师和其他照顾孩子的人沟通，让他们知道孩子取得的进步，以及了解他们照顾孩子时所观察到的孩子的进步与不足。要让孩子周边的所有大人都意识到，只要给予一点帮助和鼓励，孩子就能够顺利进入下一阶段，并很快地适应新挑战。
2. 分解任务
最简单的自理技能在小孩子眼里也可能是极其复杂的，如果父母能将它们分解成一些小任务就会简单许多。比如，穿鞋其实是很难的一件事。你需要知道哪只鞋穿哪只脚，需要知道先穿袜子再穿鞋，需要开始理解左右脚的概念，还可能需要借助你的手指把鞋子撑开，好让脚伸进去。他们需要琢磨出把鞋子穿反了是什么感觉，并懂得把两只鞋子换过来再尝试一遍。对一个孩子来说，穿鞋这个难题可能需要几个星期的时间去解决。但是，你若一步步教他——先穿袜子，再把鞋子成撑4开，再把脚伸进去——他就会逐渐获得完成这项任务所需的自信和技巧。
3. 保持耐心
当教孩子自理技能时，你必须确保有足够的时间和耐心。即使是一项看似很简单的任务，孩子也可能需要几个星期的时间才能学会。你需要支持他，允许他犯错，并鼓励他不断尝试。如果一项任务看起来很难，你可以建议一些方法，或让你的孩子一起想办法。这样他会更有成就感，自尊心也会更强，以后也会更愿意尝试。
4. 克制想要替孩子做事的冲动
如果你习惯了替孩子做事，要打破这种习惯是很难的。一天早上，三岁的莫莉刚到幼儿园，她脱下外套并将衣服直接掉到地上，而不是将它挂在衣架上。她的父母没多想就弯下腰把它捡起来并挂在了衣架上。这其实是给莫莉释放一个这样的信号：“你不需要做，你没能力做，我会帮你做。”如果你仅仅是因为觉得自己做起来更容易而事事操办，无形中给孩子传递了这样的信息，就是你觉得孩子没有能力自己做，而这将打击他的自信心。
5. 不要怕孩子遭遇失败
放手让孩子去尝试，哪怕这意味着他一开始会失败。当我们看到一个孩子上学将衣服或裤子穿反时，我们从来不会批评孩子或他的父母，因为我们知道 那天是他自己穿的衣服，而且他的父母给了他尝试和学习的机会。
6. 向孩子传递积极、鼓舞的信息
不断地鼓励孩子很重要，哪怕在你感觉很沮丧的时候。当孩子已经在同一天第五次尿裤子时，近乎绝望可能是你的自然反应。然而，当你用微笑和积极的言语面对孩子，并保持乐观时，即使孩子失败了，你仍然能确保他不会因此变得沮丧或羞愧。
7. 不要放弃
明确并坚定目标很重要。一旦你决定了往前，就不要倒退，否则将使孩子感到困惑。一旦你决定了给你的孩子戒掉奶瓶，哪怕你的孩子哭着闹着要奶瓶，你也要坚持到底。这个阶段会过去的。
8. 不要倒退
明确并坚定目标很重要。一旦你决定了往前，就不要倒退，否则将使孩子感到困惑。一旦你决定了给你的孩子戒掉奶瓶，哪怕你的孩子哭着闹着要奶瓶，你也要坚持到底。这个阶段会过去的。
9. 不断提出更高要求
每过几个月，你就要重新调整你对孩子的期望，并对他提出更高的要求，帮助他更好地成长。当他开始用叉子时，也许可以让他开始用杯子喝水了。如果孩子每天晚上洗澡前自己脱衣服，你也许可以让他自己穿睡衣了。记得不断给孩子提出更高的要求，不要只顾着给孩子鼓掌，而忘记了他能做的还有很多很多。
1. Maintain Consistent Expectation
When teaching self-help skills, it’s important that all of the adults in your child’s life have consistent expectations. If the babysitter is still spoon-feeding your child while you’re encouraging him to use his own spoon to eat cereal, he’ll be receiving very confusing messages. You’ll need to check in with relatives, teachers, and caregivers on a regular basis to tell them about your child’s progress and find out what they’ve observed. All the adults in your child’s life need to feel confident that he can move to the next level and that with a little help and encouragement, he’ll quickly adapt.
2. Break it Down
The simplest self-help skill can seem immensely complicated to a small child and it helps enormously if you break it down into small components. Think about how hard it is to put on a pair of shoes. You have to match your foot to the right shoe. You have to understand that the sock goes on first. You have to begin to understand the concept of left and right. You have to use your fingers to open up the shoe to make room for your foot. You have to figure out what it feels like when the wrong shoe is on the wrong foot. You have to switch the shoes around to try again. It’s a conundrum that may take many weeks for a young child to solve. When you teach him bit by bit – sock first, then open the shoe, then slide inside – he’ll gradually gain the confidence and the dexterity to complete the task.
3. Be Patient
When teaching your child self-help skills, it’s important to set aside time and to be patient. It can often take many weeks before your child accomplished a seemingly simple task. You can support him by allowing him to struggle a little while complimenting him to his attempts. If the task does seem to difficult, you can suggest a way to work through it together and ask him to make suggestions. This way he can feel successful, his self-esteem will build, and he’ll try again the next time.
4. Resist the Temptation to Do It for Your Child
It can be hard for parents to break the habit of doing things for a child. One morning, three-year-old Molly arrived at the nursery school and, rather than taking her coat off and putting it on the hook, she dramatically let it fall to the floor. Her well-meaning parent bent over and scooped it up and put it on her hook. The message to Molly was loud and clear: “You don’t have to do it. You can’t do it. I’ll do it for you.” If you do something because it’s easier for you, it sends the message that you don’t think your child is capable and this can actually undermine his confidence in his own abilities.
5. Don’t Be Afraid to Let Your Child Fail
It’s okay to let your child try to do something for himself, even if this means he fails in the beginning. When we see a child coming to school with his pants or shirt on backward, we never criticize that child or his parents. We know that he dressed himself and that his parents gave him the benefit of learning from his attempts.
6. Send a Positive, Empowering Message to Your Child
It’s very important to keep encouraging your child, even when you’re feeling exasperated. When your child wets himself for the fifth time today, the natural reaction is one of despair. However, when you smile, use positive expressions, and remain upbeat – even when your child isn’t succeeding – you ensure that your child doesn’t become discouraged or ashamed.
7. Don’t Give Up
Often we’ll hear parents say, “I tried to get my child to do that, but it didn’t work.” Trying once or twice isn’t enough. It can take weeks of practice and repetition to master the most basic skills. Expect resistance – your child won’t always want to do these things alone. Don’t give up. You need to be clear in your expectations and communicate that this accomplishment is important. When you stick with it, eventually you’ll see results.
8. Try Not to Take Steps Backward
It’s very important that you set goals and stick to them. Once you have made a decision to move forward, try not to take steps backwards as you’ll only be sending a confusing message. Once you’ve decided to have your child giveup the bottle, don’t be tempted to go back, even when he’s crying and whining. This will pass.
9. Keep Raising the Bar
Every few months, it’s important to reevaluate your expectations for your child and raise the bar ever so slightly to support his growth. When he begins to use a fork, maybe it’s time for him to start drinking from a cup. If your child has been undressing himself every night before bath time, it’s time to start teaching him how to put on his pajamas. Keep stepping it up. It’s easy to fall into a pattern of behavior where you applaud his accomplishments thus far, forgetting that he’s capable of much, much more.
我们希望您能喜欢本次的书摘，搜索艾顿公学幼儿园我们将持续为您分享更多育儿书籍的内容。